STILL WEAK?

STILL WEAK

I sat in at my desk letting my thoughts consume me, writing, the blog, school work, relationships, mental health, relationship with God and every other thing I had on my mind, 24 hours just wasn’t enough to spend time on all the things I planned to do, I just couldn’t do it all and I ended up feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. This was something I tend to do to myself quite often, I beat myself down and wallow in that fact that I just couldn’t balance it all. I just didn’t have the strength, it was barely past 3 in the afternoon and I had already taken a nap, I had barely gotten anything done but I was tired, I was weak or should I say, I’m still weak. So, I just sat there thinking of all the things I should have done, and all the time I had wasted, beating myself up by the fact that I simply couldn’t keep up with my own schedule. Come to think of it, all this time I spent, drowning myself in how I wasn’t getting things done, I could have actually been getting things done. Oh well, that’s not the lesson I’m learning today, lol.

“Lord, please speak to me, tell me what I’m to do, about the blog, about school, about everything, how do I manage it all, I just need you to tell me what to do. Just speak to me lord, what do I do”, I prayed in heart, I don’t know if you can tell, but I was desperate, I felt so weak, and I really just needed him to lead me, not just for today lord, for every day, “I can’t do it on my own lord, help me put you first, I just really need you to tell me what to do”, I continued to pray in my heart.

As humans, as Christians we know we need God for everything, sometimes we just tend to remember after we’ve tried to do things on our own and failed, and after we’ve beaten ourselves up for not being able to do things on our own, forgetting that it’s ok to be weak because well we’ll find out soon enough. Now I know it seems basic, how can I need God to help me organize my life, all I had to do was actually well organize my life on my own. But if you’re anything like me, you know what it feels like to put a lot of pressure on yourself to make sure everything in your life is balanced on a daily base too, you probably have a timetable for how your day is to go just so you get everything done, and then you beat yourself down when you feel things are not being done at the pace you planned well because you can’t just do it all, our human strength is always limited no matter how much we try and we beat ourselves down because of that. That feeling of weakness overwhelms you.

Well for me I had had enough, I decided I wasn’t going to do anything else until God was ready to tell me what to do. I was going to sing worship, pray my heart out, study his word and meditate until I got some answers. I was going to let him tell me how to do it all. But as humans, can we really do it all on our own, we know we need him but we still want him to tell us how to do it all on our own (I hope we are starting to see the point, if not don’t worry we will get it soon). So after about half an hour of listening to Yeshua Hamashiach by Nathaniel Bassey and Fragrance to fire by Dunsin Oyekan on repeat while praying the spirit I got interrupted by another obligation without getting all the answers I desperately needed but I did leave that brief worship session without my spirit being mightily uplifted and reassured, my heart was at peace now and I said, “lord once again I’m leaving everything in your hands, but I still need those answers”. (don’t worry we’re getting to the good part)

A few hours later, I picked up my bible, what is the word of God saying to me, and after a while of searching my bible I stumbled on it.

But the lord said, “my grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power. So, I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me”. 2 Corinthians 12:9. And I read it over and over and over and over again, I was going to hear something from this. His grace was really all I needed, I just needed his loving kindness and mercy and faithfulness. I didn’t need to have everything figured out, I don’t need to know how to balance my own life, cause then would I remember that I need him? I need to be weak and vulnerable, basically be human, because there is always a limit to human strength and that was fine cause his power is made perfect in us, as in complete in us, when and only when we are weak. So, I don’t need to beat myself up because I don’t have the human strength to do it all, I should just be rest assured that my weakness made his spirit whole in me. My lack of human strength and my limitations only made room for a greater strength from my father to dwell in me and that is way better to me.

Whenever we find ourselves in situations where it feels like we can’t do it all and we feel down, it is probably because we can’t. and that is perfectly ok, in fact it is more than ok, because it is in our weakness that the power of our father is made complete in us, meaning we should be happy and say “oh I know I can’t complete this project on my own, oh I know I can’t handle all this school work on my own, oh I know it all seems too much and it is weighing me down, but I’m glad cause my inability makes way for my father’s ability” and we just have to go to our father and say, “you know Lord I can’t do this on my own, I’m too weak but I know it’s ok cause your grace is enough for me and even though I don’t feel it or see it yet but your power dwells in me and I’m still going to be glad, I’m not going to sit here feeling sad about my weakness cause your word literally says to be glad, so I’m going to be glad and worship your name with all of my hearts cause my worship is my weapon”. I really can’t stress this point enough. Check this out- “the lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts [with unwavering confidence] in him, and I am helped; therefore, my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I shall thank him and praise him”. Psalms 28:7 AMP.

So now when I feel weak and inadequate, I just have to remind myself that my weakness only makes room for greater power to be made perfect in me. If only I knew that sooner. Jokes on you devil, I like being weak, cause only them can my father’s power be made perfect in me, only them could I do it all through him. Ok check this out too- “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong”- 2 Corinthians 12:10. I shouldn’t even be asking him to tell me what to do because I couldn’t even do it on my own if he told me, only his power in me could do it all. I just need to accept that I’m weak and ask for his strength to be made perfect in me, and he would not only tell me what to do, he will also make his strength perfect in me so I can do it not by myself, but through his strength that dwells in me. In every situation we should always remember as children of God that his grace is more than enough, it’s always available, no matter the situations we find ourselves in.

If you think about it, our weakness isn’t really our weakness, it is more like our strength.

So yeah, I guess I’m still weak

I think you understand now?

Kiish